Just_Yiu's Xanga

I Suck at Poetry

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 07:45:02 GMT

I suck at poetry

and I suck at rhyme

So I'm just going to say my feelings straight out:

I'm infatuated, I'm in love

I'm attracted, maybe not so much

You're still a stranger, I know you lots

I don't understand you, you're such a book

I rarely hold you, you mold right in

You're new and refreshing, we need a break

I want to know you, I want something new

..I'm sleepy.

I hate Feelings

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 04:17:24 GMT

I hate feelings
I hate the way they make me hurt
I hate the way they make me laugh
I hate the way they make me sing
I hate the way they make me cry
It is a wonder why we do not rid ourselves of feelings
For we would never have to experience the touch of another
The flutter of feelings
It is a wonder why we do not banish feelings from our judgement
For I would never have to stare at the computer screen and sigh
Weep
Mourn
Cringe
Wait
I hate feelings
They make me confused
Jumbled
Fumbled
Rumbled
Lumbled
If feelings did not exist then I would not have these thoughts, these feelings
of love and hate and indifference
Oh my oh my
Lordy lord
Why feelings, why
Have you not done enough?
Why must I feel the way I do know?
So confused
So heart felt
So...exasperated
Oh my oh my
Lordy lord

Survey for the bored

Thu, 17 May 2007 06:27:57 GMT

Put a X beside the things you have

[x] mother
[x] father
[x] Cell phone.
[x] Own bathroom
[x] Own room.
[x] 2 story house
[ ] Swimming pool/lake in back yard
[x] hot tub
[ ] Guest room.
[ ] laptop or desktop in your room
[] TV in your room
TOTAL: 7

[x] Queen or king size bed
[ ] More than 5 pairs of shoes
[x] sunglasses/shades <-dude, everyone has this. It's somewhat an essential and doesn't relate to being spoiled unless the person owns fifteen Chanel designed shades
[x] watch <- what kind of watch? I dont' consider this being spoiled either
[ ] mp3 player/iPod
[_] Xbox
[ ] Xbox360
[x] playstation
[_] Gameboy Advance
[_] gamecube
Total: 4

[ ] basketball hoop
[_] Air hockey table
[ ] Pool table
[ ] Ping pong table
[_] foosball table
[_]Trampoline
[_] Own a Harley Davidson
[ ]Own a surfboard/wakeboard/snowbo

ard/skateboard/skis etc..
Total: 0

[ ] Stereo
[ ] DVD player in room
[ ] Have something from abercrombie and fitch or hollister
[ ] Gets $100+ each month
[_] owns chanel
[_] Lacoste
[_] Parents give you credit card
TOTAL: 0

[ ] job <- how the hell is this being spoiled? I call it building character.
[ ] Goes shopping at least once a week
[ ] Expensive cologne/perfume
[x] MSN <- psh, everyone has this. Spoiled my behind
[ ] Camera <- cameras are outdated and shouldn't be on here- ESPECIALLY since digital camera comes right after
[x] Digital Camera
TOTAL: 2

[_] electric/gas scooter
[ ]Guitar/drums/Bass guitar
[x] piano/keyboard
[x] Any other instrument
[ ] Hammock
[_] Been on a cruise.
[x] traveled out of the province
[ ] Personal trainer
[x] expensive jewelry
[ ] Met a celebrity
Total: 4

[x] straightener/curling iron
[ ] Been to a batting cage
[ ] $100+ on you right now
[x] Credit card or atm card,debit card <- I have a debit card. Guess I'm spoiled cause I only have ZERO DOLLARS in it.
[x] Been to Europe
[_] Been to Hawaii
[x] Been to NYC
[x] Been to LA
[ ] Been to Florida.
[ ] Been to the Bahamas
TOTAL: 5

[ ] Car
[ ] Ranch or cabin
[x] been to 5+ states in the US
[ ] 20+ buddies on nexopia
[ ] more than one house
[ ] 3+ Vehicles
TOTAL: 1

[ ] home cooked meal almost every day. <- See, not this is a reasonable spoiled.
[ ] Been in a limo
[ ] Been in a helicoptor
[x] Been on a plane
[x] Have/had a laptop
TOTAL: 2

TOTAL:25
Average

7-19 = ghetto
20-29 = average
30-39 = spoiled
40+ = rich/way upperclass

This survey is the definition of inaccuracy and inefficiency. It was lame and an apparent waste of time. Last time I sign a contract without reading the fine details first!

Undying Love

Tue, 15 May 2007 06:09:28 GMT

Have you ever had this feeling you would never stop loving someone? I mean, never never. Not just in the moment never, but never never never never ever never.

I have this feeling. It's quite pleasant, yet full of sorrow at the same time; nostalgic even. I've been feeling it for quite sometime...I mean, and first I thought it was a passionate never that would end in due time...but I guess not.

Well, the love has changed...but I think for the better.

The love is not so much as a need you love, but I want to be there for you love...which is a kind of love I really feel. It has no obligations and no anticipation...just patience and kindness... No bitter waiting...just fond surprises....no expectations, just happy encounters and happy hours...

It is a warm kind of love.

Love should always feel this free and welcoming inside...not so much like a newly blossomed love, but a matured love that has lived its days to know that this is a pretty good relationship and if more is to be expected then more is to be expected.

Love that never dies....

Love....

I love love I love how love has many forms of love I especially love this love

Down with Government Required Courses!!!

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 06:17:31 GMT

At first, I thought Planning was an opportunity to learn. Unfortunately for me, I was once again wrong.

First time, my sister did it and I just thought she was a wimp. Now I'm forced to take it and I totally, undeniably see her pain and frustrations. I even did some of her planning work; why did I not see this coming?

I don't know if this even applies, but I still want to say it: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...can't get fooled again! Tee hee, sorry, side joke. Hah.

I have never HATED anything as much as I hate...no, LOATH Planning. I'm on module 4 right now...and it sucks. Finance sucks. Teaching finance sucks big time. Lessons just can't teach it in a way where it's accurate to real life. It's impossible. Why is work the most time consuming and tedious in this part? Loath loath loath, hate hate hate, stab stab stab.

Did I mention I'm missing an assignment right now? Hah....oh boy....I better get it done...

Well, technically two.....technically.

My grade is slowly declining for Planning. How about everyone elses?

Btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYA!!!

(Pink just for you ^_^)

Reminiscing

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 15:26:12 GMT

Happy New Year everyone~ <3

Thank you to everyone who's made 2006 a year to remember ^_^ I'm taking more good memories away with me than bad.

Hm...let me see...what were the highlights of this year...

2006

January
-I have no idea why, but I did not go to the Vancouver Taikai....why.....

February
-Ah....I was organizing for the Gasshuku....
-Freddy's birthday
-S.A.D (Single's Awareness Day)

March
-We had a hot pot with kendoka involving our first truth or dare late at night.....eheh heh heh
-MATSUKAI'S FIRST GASSHUKU BABY!!! XD
-More parties at Love's place (five of us started to hang out more)
-Myron's birthday! (although we could not attend...)

April
-I bought my shinai (Talk of D&D began)
-Fundraising Garage Sale for Matsukai (Rei bought her espresso machine)
-We bought Rei ($35)

May
-Jennifer's birthday (everyone came and helped us tend the garden)
-Four day long weekend (Found Zoe and BFD)
-I waved goodbye to my single years
-Started D&D (every Friday I believe)

June
-I got kicked out of science class 'cause I almost fell asleep...
-Me to We Day (Kendo enbus were shown)
-Amy's Gasshuku
-Formal/Goodbye Party
-Sensei and Sherlly (damn, I still can't spell her name....)-san's wedding gift
-D&D sessions ceased

July
-Saturday practices begin
-Started meditation sessions
-Walk with the Dragon
-Nick's bbq
-I think it was either July or August, but we presented another enbu for the karate club

August
-Gay Pride Parade
-Amelia's surprise party
-Tina and Danny's birthday (we made them a Spongebob flower and pink men)
-Campbell residents leave for Mexico and it becomes two struggling weeks of practice...
-Went to Myron's!!!

September
-Saturday practices end
-Youth Gasshuku
-Started to work as a backstage technician/crew member for the Black-Winged Theater

October
-We were caught... (R&J ^_^;;;)
-Metro Reunion for youth gasshuku (Seania's cookie cake)
-Thanksgiving dinner at Love's (we watched 'But I'm a Cheerleader' and played Paranoia for the first and last time for the year)
-Halloween practice
-Rei's birthday (laser tag)

November
-Invited friends for my birthday (I think that was on a.....duh....on the 11th...)
-Grading (006...sigh...fish and chips.... T^T)
-Shabusen to celebrate my, J's, and Nathan's birthday
-After shabusen, some of us went to my house and we youtubed and prank called
-Sigh...Jason and (as redundant as it is) my birthday

December
-Lost box of chocolates
-Metfest! 'Art Attack' 'The Swan' 'Final Fontier' ...haha, and 'Romeo and Juliet' were awesome. R&J had awesome effects...and rather physical scenes...
-Got sick and missed the last two days of school before the break (missed my concert)
-Aaron and Tyler came back from university
-Rent Party
-Fondue (then J left )

:::::::::

Yes...fond memories...very fond memories... I rather enjoyed it. I hope 2007 will be just as great. Right now it's going rather well...I think....I'm enjoying my exam week break rather much.

Well, right now I feel pwned from Church's Chicken...argh...blaaaaaaarrrrggghhh...

I Darken Souls' Doors

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 03:56:38 GMT

I think he hates me '_'

I think she's annoyed of me.

I think I'm turning into Love >___<

Is this just freak paranoia or women's intuition? I can't really tell anymore- or maybe women's intuition is nothing more than freak paramoia? I don't know, I can't really tell, I just get the feeling that he hates me and for reasons I'm not really sure of....

I just feel this awkwardness and shock and disturbance from him...like he hates me for something I can't change. It hurts...I don't know what I did wrong...

She's probably annoyed because I disturbed her movie......

I just can't tell because msn and text messaging really sucks at showing emotions >__<!!!

I Feel the Cold Touch My Heart

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 06:52:30 GMT

I feel extremely depressed.

The title was a variation of a play in Gleneagle's Metfest (created by our very own Sarah Dixon). A beatitful and powerfully poetic play.

I feel the cold touch my heart.
     I feel it dive into my very soul, torture
Why does that one word ring so clear?
                void of emotions
                filled with emotions
I seek, what? What d I seek
My eneergy, constantly used up for nothing
Building     up inside
Building                  of rage
    anger
                            sorrow
remorese
                    I feel the remorse again
I feel it in my bones, my hyeard
        my body
                        my soul
                                        my heart
the old is reaching my heart
    my sould cries
it is a prisoner in it's own mind
I feel it again and agfain and again
There is nothing holding me back
except for my rage, sorrow, conscience and heart
death upon me, i open the door
                i see the light
        my flame dies
i want to live
in a world where i am free of all the sorrow in the world
                in my heart
in my soul
a world without you to worry about
only worrying about love
my life should be in no one's hands buy mine
her life should be in no one's hands but hers

I feel the cold touch my heart.

I decided to take Carolyn's advice and write a poem (this was pretty much a last after thought kind of thing). Thank you Carolyn! It did help a lot!

I had fun decorating it so it would seem more presentable since I wrote it with my eyes closed on this bed. As you can see with all the misspelling and bad grammar, but I really poured most of my heart into it. Some of my emotions are still locked in...~

Thank you

Giving More Than You Get

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 02:33:44 GMT

I don't see a problem with this; unfortuneately, some of us do.

This apparently happens to me more often than not. I put my whole heart to something. I receive tons of gratitude. Sure when the time comes to pay someone back for that gratitude, I may not get as much as the other, but it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself. Do I feel like I've been cut short? Not really- until you mention it to me in some vile tone.

I've come to accept myself as more of a giver than a receiver (in that sense).

Man, now I feel crappy. I really enjoyed myself yesterday. I really don't measure things by prices and I guess effort into it doesn't matter because it adds to the gratitude towards the person(s) organizing events, but it might not necessarily mean I'll enjoy myself and that's exactly what I did yesterday. I had a great time

But now I just feel crappy.

I'm being really honest when I say this: Asian money grubbing culture f****** sucks

Honestly, get over the green and start living a little. Party poopers. You drive me insane. I hate you attitude towards survival. Optimism sucks when you can't stand pestimistic people..

I hate Mandarin class
I hate selfish money pinching side of Chinese culture
and I hate conversations involving narrowminded people

I would compose a poem of my angst and emotional thoughts write now but I'm as much of a poet as I am an acrobat.

On a happier note, I think William Sledd rocks and his tips would be fabulous if I were more into fashion. Youtube rocks, but it's highly addicting and I think Ellen's old sitcom hilarious and uber cool.

Eh...I hate Madarin class. I'd rather choke on rocks than go to that class on Monday....

Identity Wipe

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 07:11:29 GMT

Let this day be known as the day my dad threw away more of my beloved treasures: my academic works from middle and elementary school plus my awards and achievements

I am so bummed right now.

My heart exploded when I asked him where all my stuff went and he said he threw it out. I think I've lost all feeling in my heart now....good because I don't think it could've handled any more of this.

He's sleeping in my old room right now because he was just visiting...tomorrow he'll be leaving to set up some business of some sorts...

...my things....

I hate when he does Spring cleaning. Every time he does this, things I love disappear.

What he's thrown away that my brain dares to remember..:

Binder full of last year's work (retrieved! WOOT!! JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME BABY!! XD!!)
PS2 (I'm seriously not kidding )
    -all PS2 memory cards (I know...I cry)
    -all controllers (except for our DDR dance pads)
    -Rei and Alan's PS2 controller (yeah, I feel sick too. Kill me)
    -Our DDR Max game that was inside the PS2 (I weep at day's end)
    -Did I mention that besides the DDR things, those were all my brothers? I dare not tell him.
The PS is missing. The PS controllers are missing. I don't want to think about what happened to it right now...or else I'd just cry harder.
More game consoles have gone missing....I just don't want to talk about game whatnots anymore now
CDs have been thrown away
Computer parts have been thrown away
Computer tower thrown away along with dvd reader/burner and hard drives
Monitor (retrieved)
Printer (retrieved)
My school work (*heart dies*) ...It had my writing in there....*heart dies further*

Love went through so much trouble to get back my writing from my laptop when we had to reformat it because of a virus...yet my original work which I wrote when I was a wee child....how will I ever get it back? How will I ever get back my crappy crappy crappy ten-year-old writing? I weep....cry me a river....

Yeah, as you've noticed, a lot of things he's thrown away revolves around my brother's things and his computer parts/related items. He's a real luddite if you ask me. I weep weep WEEP

I don't know how many things he's thrown away in my room....but...I WEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

I don't even want to think about it right now. My brain's too shocked right now...can't take any more of this...I hate planning....overload....shock....trama.....heart still broken....

I think I'm going to have oppressed memories pretty soon. Oh the trama....

R.I.P my beloved work. ... My public speaking award was in there *endless amounts of crying*

I'm dead inside...so dead....where is my past's identity now? Where have you gone?

Where have you gooooooOoOOOoone, my work, my beloved work...

Okay, I'm just ranting now, good bye : (